The most recent true crime documentary to hit our screens is described as “a fairytale romance gone horribly mistaken”. It labels itself “one loopy story” in its opening scene.
However whereas Candy Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare is a real story, the near-decade of deception, manipulation and coercion it depicts isn’t a criminal offense.
Catfishing – the title given to utilizing faux on-line profiles to trick others into believing they’re in a relationship – isn’t unlawful within the UK.
Kirat Assi, the topic of Netflix‘s Candy Bobby documentary tells Sky Information: “Folks say, ‘How are you going to be so silly?’ That’s the fixed query you get. However none of us [victims] are silly. It’s simply the perpetrator’s gone the additional mile.”
Regarded as the UK’s longest-known catfishing rip-off, it’s the story of Kirat, an occasions assistant and radio presenter, who was deceived into believing she was in a web based relationship with a heart specialist known as Dr Bobby Jandu between 2009 and 2018.
Utilizing the id of an actual one who Kirat had as soon as briefly met, the perpetrator spent years build up the faux friendship, with the connection changing into romantic from late 2015. They even grew to become engaged.
However nothing was what it appeared, and each interplay – with round 60 individuals in whole throughout a number of social platforms – was all one in every of Kirat’s distant relations.
Kirat admits she wasn’t eager for the primary telling of the story by way of Tortoise Media’s podcast of the identical title in 2021, not to mention the documentary it’s now impressed.
So why is she permitting it to be shared with the world by way of the world’s largest streaming platform?
Now 44, Kirat says: “In the intervening time of her confession, I used to be screaming, ‘Why?’ However I’ve way back let go of that… There’s simply no cause to have achieved what she did. Now, I simply must understand how she did it.”
How unfortunate can one particular person be?
The documentary units out how, throughout Kirat’s relationship with Bobby, he was shot six occasions in Kenya; put into witness safety in New York; suffered a stroke, mind tumour and coronary heart assault; and fathered a secret youngster.
However whereas Kirat concedes she discovered it “unusual”, “a bit bizarre”, and even requested herself “How unfortunate can one particular person be?”, a circle of Bobby’s family and friends all the time validated the occasions in his life throughout quite a few types of social media.
The couple would Skype name all night time and share voice notes and messages consistently.
Kirat is at pains to say it wasn’t a 10-year romance, and that originally she baulked on the concept resulting from their friendship being firmly within the “bro-zone”. However after years of persuasion, she says she lastly gave in they usually grew to become a pair.
‘My life was hellish’
In the direction of the tip of the connection, Kirat says Bobby grew to become controlling, accusing her of flirting with different males, and discouraging her from going to work or seeing family and friends.
She says that’s when issues took a flip for the more severe: “I began to shed extra pounds… It was coercive management, to a degree the place you’re completely being abused, the place you don’t have any sense of your self left anymore. And also you’re simply scared on a regular basis.”
That’s when she employed a personal detective, confronting the real-life Bobby on the doorstep of his household dwelling in Brighton.
Kirat says: “I used to be simply looking for out the reality in that final interval, however on the identical time attempting to maintain the peace and never rock the boat as a result of my life can be made hell. And it was hellish sufficient already.”
‘Sufferer shaming is harmful’
Regardless of reporting it to police in 2018, no cost has ever been filed. The Met Police confirmed to Sky Information that the case was closed in 2019 however has since been re-opened for reinvestigation.
A 2020 civil motion, believed to be the UK’s first profitable declare of its variety referring to catfishing – resulted in a personal apology and substantial payout the next 12 months.
Kirat hopes the documentary will encourage different victims of catfishing to talk out.
“There’s a lot on-line abuse and bullying. There’s a lot sufferer shaming, which stops individuals from talking up… all of us have been struggling in silence.”
She says she’s acquired vicious abuse and trolling on-line for the reason that podcast was launched in 2021.
Kirat’s relative declined to be interviewed for the movie, however her representatives informed documentary producers: “This matter entails occasions that started when she was a schoolgirl. She considers it a personal matter and strongly objects to what she describes as ‘quite a few unfounded and damaging accusations’.”
‘I dare not converse for her’
She’s not seen her relative for the reason that day she got here to her dwelling to admit the deception.
She admits she “dare not converse for her”, including that there’s nonetheless worry in her close-knit London Sikh neighborhood about talking out .
“I assume persons are nonetheless petrified of what she would possibly do, even when the case is open. [People are afraid] due to the non-action from the police, the sluggish motion from the police, the restricted actions from the civil case. Folks simply don’t have the religion that it’s been handled to ensure that them to talk up.”
However Kirat refuses to be silenced: “The individual that did it must be held accountable. I can’t bear the brunt of being blamed for bringing it out within the open. I’ve needed to do what’s proper for me.”
‘Folks count on me to be a whimpering wreck’
Six years after her world fell aside, Kirat’s relationship once more.
She says she’s again to her “previous fiery self”, admitting, when individuals realise who she is, they “have the shock of their life as a result of they count on me to be a whimpering wreck”.
However components of her life are nonetheless disrupted: “I’ve to be very cautious about what I do and the way I do it, who’s Googling me in the case of work issues.”
And with expertise at our fingertips 24/7, Kirat has a phrase of warning: “It’s changing into simpler to do it. The loopy issues that AI and on-line can do now are simply getting worse. I really feel like I’ve had a fortunate escape that it didn’t occur to me now.”
Candy Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare is streaming on Netflix from Wednesday 16 October.